How do we Proceed?

We managed to find Amarel and return her to her beloved with little loss of life and even avoided the outright conflict I almost caused, and to what end? All we have discovered is that more and more foes seek to keep us from our loved ones.

I know I will not rest until Scarlet is once again in my arms but I know not what costs will be needed to achieve such a goal. As the days turn to weeks I find myself more and more irritable, and that Mnemia and I are becoming increasingly likely to resort to force to get our way.

Recently we came upon a group of islanders held for sport by a malicious snake spirit, and we left them. I feel guilt about this, as up to this point I think I can say we left most good people we met better than when we met them, but I have grown tired of playing the hero. I was a good soldier, I fought for my people, I killed for my country, I stole for our way of life, and yet it seems all of creation now expects me to be some grand hero of the ages to sacrifice myself for their salvation. I grow tired of this expectation. I want to be selfish for once. Is this kind of thinking the same thing that led to our downfall before? If the Unconquered Sun is so great a lord, could he not have arranged the threads of fate to not taunt us so? Why must I constantly put my needs and desires aside to save this world?

Scarlet… How I long to look upon your face again and see the warmth of your smile. Yet, I cannot. I am forced to ensure that the people of some godforsaken underwater city are cared for, and try to prevent some foul demoness from wrecking creation. This weight upon my shoulders is more than I can bear. By the Forest! I left the corps upon my exaltation to enjoy myself for the first time in my life and live for ME, yet now it seems I must live for everyone except me. I wish helping others could be easier at least.

Kadon and Mnemia are good and strong companions, and I am happy to call them friends, yet I cannot help but feel they share a stronger spark of heroic motivation than I. Duty is so overbearing, so exhausting… I lived and breathed duty for my entire life, and I don’t know how much longer I can do it. I am in a place completely alien to me, apart from everyone I love, forced to be separated from the one whom I would marry, and yet, I am expected to ignore my own wants for the good of the simpletons and mortals who need our protection. Scarlet, if I finally find you again, perhaps we should leave this all behind…

How do we Proceed?

Sins of the First Age ChainsawXIV ChainsawXIV